Updates on Caleb

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Major changes have been a facet of life over the last few years, it seems. So here is another - we no longer live in Texas. League City, and Hunter Wood Dr, are now parts of our past. But so much happened there - good, and bad - that it will always be a part of our heart. We left behind some very special things in Texas - wonderful friends, an awesome part of our family, a faith community that sustained us through our toughest times - and Caleb Joshua's physical resting place. Because of that, part of our heart will always be in Texas. And I think it fair to say we will be back not infrequently. We now head forward to Bristow, VA, to see what the next chapter of our life holds.

Over the last year, I have caught myself relating everything to the date of Caleb's passing. I will think to myself, "Caleb was alive when I was last here." Or, "last time I did this, Caleb was with me." I always wondered about the "B.C." - Before Christ - I mean, I will attest that the birth of Christ was a pretty important event. But I always wondered about why time was marked in relation to it. I now understand. Completely. Because my life now has two chapters - before Caleb, and since Caleb.

But there is something else that reflection on that thought reveals - you will notice that there is no "After Christ". There is B.C. - before Christ - and A.D. - anno domini, or, "the year of the Lord." A firm testament to the fact that there is no "after Christ." Because Christ lives on - in a different place, OK - but He lives on. And you know what? Caleb, too - there is no "after Caleb." Once God created Caleb, his soul was eternal - and today, he lives on, in the choir of Saints who sing the praises of God each day. Praise God.

As I write, we are in Jacksonville, FL, enjoying Thanksgiving with another part of our family. And we have much to be thankful for. Our family and the many friends who sustained us are top of that list. How blessed are we.

I pray that you, and your families, are enjoying a peaceful and wonderful holiday.

Sunday, October 25, 2008

Yes, it's been almost two months since an update! But so very much has happened. However, there are lots of things to bring you up to date on ... let's start with the beginning of September, since that is where we left off, and we'll go from there.

Hurricane Ike. Got a direct hit! Of all the inconvenient times to get a hurricane strike (you'll understand in a minute), this one came right in the front door. We lost our fence, we lost shingles on the roof, and lost some of the tree. But compared to the folks in Galveston, and on Bolivar Peninsula (note - only 20 miles from us!), we were spared. Those folks lost everything. Please keep them in your prayers. Being close to the Police station, we got power back the next day, whereas some of the folks around Houston weeks without power. It was quite an event. Debris everywhere, boats in the road, in the trees, in piles in the parking lots; traffic lights at best broken and at worse totally gone (big backups); trees all over; fences everywhere; what a mess. I was a live-in at work and rode the storm out there; Annette and Natashia stayed in the house here. It was quite an event. But, as I said, we were very fortunate.

Some interesting things happened as a result of the storm ... neighbors met neighbors who they'd lived next to for 5 years and never met! People were helping people cut up trees, running extension cords where some had power and some didn't, and giving tips about where there was gas! But to me the most amazing thing was the kids. There was no electricity in many parts for a while - so no Wii's, Playstations, TV's, Internet, etc - and it was AWESOME! Kids were in the streets with crowds of kids playing stickball, kickball, and tag. Riding bikes, shooting hoops, and just talking. Usually the roads are desolate - everyone inside - but what a neat thing to see the world how it "used to be" ... thanks, Lord, for making small blessings come from larger tragedies. Hmmm .... have to think about that one for a while ...

Off we go ... And, immediately on the heels of the storm, I found out that I am getting a new job at work. It's exciting because it's truly a great opportunity, working with more great folks on some neat things. However - it is in Fairfax, VA, just outside Washington, DC. So, after 16 years in Texas, we are going east. It's bittersweet. As I said, it's a great job I'm looking forward to ... however, so very much has happened in Texas. So many of our best friends are right here, and of course, Caleb Joshua is buried here. So we will truly miss it. But, in one way or another, Annette and I feel that God is calling us to step out and take this job back east. So off we go. I've already been working some in Fairfax, and Annette has been feverishly getting the house ready to sell. I'm home in Houston for a few weeks, so now I can give her a hand. We already found a house in Virginia - and Caleb Joshua very much had a hand in it. The things that fell together for us to end up in this home were incredible. A subject for another update. But one thing to share now is that it's only 1200 feet from the railroad track, which is what Caleb would want. We'll be in Houston, physically, until just before Thanksgiving when we will leave. Our e-mails will continue to be the same, and I'll keep this web site updated as I have in the past.

Interestingly, I had a dream about Caleb the other night. Although I encounter him a lot, as I've said, it's extremely rare that he comes to me in dreams. I think it has happened only a few times since his passing. In any event, he was here, again! Annette and I were in a room, and it was like a huge party. Caleb was there. I remember being SO excited and happy to see him, as was Annette. I vividly remember wondering if I was dreaming, but concluding that no, this was too real to be a dream. I remember how overjoyed I was that we were together again. I've never been much into dream interpretation, but you know, it was like I got a glimpse of Heaven. Happiness, joy, and again - reunited. In God's presence. And someday, God willing, so it will be.

So, those who have been reading my ramblings for some time know that after Caleb Joshua passed away, I took up running. As I have said, I have no idea why other then I felt some odd calling to. I have never been particularly physically active - so it was admittedly strange for me. But somehow, I was called to.

I never though that much of it - until this past week. This month's Runners World magazine features an article about an incredible young man named Ryan Hall who is quite a runner. You will recognize him as one of the US Olympians for the Marathon. Although he placed 10th in the competition, he set a record in the Olympic Trials for the marathon (averaging over 12 mph sustained pace!!), and holds the US record for the 1/2 marathon (Set in Houston!). The article really spoke to me because the central theme is his Christianity, and he talks a lot about his feeling that God called him to run --- it's a great article. You can see it here. I doubt I'll ever hit 5% of his running ability, but he sets a great spiritual target to aspire to.

I never really thought much about it maybe being God calling me to run - so this article got me thinking on a different track altogether. I have, in the past, reflected about how I seem to encounter Caleb Joshua as well as receive various spiritual revelations while on the run. Could it be that God called me to run?

Many remark how I never sit still. Even Annette says that - "you always have to be doing something." It's true. And I must admit, my prayer life is challenged because of this nature of mine .Could it be that the only time I "slow down" enough to really listen is when I'm running, and little else but me and the road exist? Maybe God knew the only way to get me "alone", to stop doing anything else, and get me to listen, was to call me onto the quiet roads in the early morning hours, with nothing but a pair of shoes, shorts, and a shirt?? And distance running is what I prefer, thus yielding a lot of "alone" time. I wonder if there is a plan at work here. God is rather clever, isn't he?

So this past week, I was in Florida visiting my Dad. I hadn't seen him since Caleb's funeral, so it was time to drop in.

Caleb came along. As I was getting up to board the plane on the way there, I glanced at the seat next to me - and there lay a single penny (we've come to associate this with Caleb). But the most striking experience I had was when Dad and I visited Barnes & Noble on Friday morning. You may remember that Caleb and I frequented it often, and he had the same routine: he would search for a plastic stool, bring it to where I was reading, and climb up on it and proceed to remove books from the shelf one by one and stack them next to the stool. I'd let him do this for a while, then we'd put them back. It was what he did to stay busy, I guess. Well, I turned the corner onto an aisle hunting for a section, and here is what lay before me. I had to take a picture:

I was amazed. The collection of books was completely random, as Caleb would have done. I sat down on the stool for about 10 minutes, just marvelling at it. Nobody ever showed up. I left the scene as I found it ... awesome. Thank you, Lord!

Well, I promised I would post pictures of the blessing of Caleb’s memorial – and, you’ve probably noticed that I still have not! Generally, the reason is because nobody has sent me any yet … but I am sure that we’ll get some, soon. So hang in there. As soon as I receive some, we’ll post them. (Hint … so if you have some, send them on! :-) )

Here’s another piece of incredible news: the monument company who put into life the vision we had for Caleb’s monument wants to feature it in a magazine read by their trade! We’ve given permission for them to use photos of it, as well as a paragraph we wrote describing it’s various meanings, in one of their trade magazines. How awesome is that!!!

So Annette and I were on our way to Church on Saturday evening. We were driving down SH-3, and approaching the point where the “new” NASA Parkway crosses SH-3 right before Magnolia. It’s right on the way to Frys, Taco Cabana, Barnes and Noble, and every other thing Caleb loved to go to – so we often passed this road under construction. Caleb really wanted to drive on it, but of course, we had to wait for its completion. It is newly finished, and opened, just in the last week or so – and so Annette and I were talking about how Caleb wanted to drive on it. I recalled, out loud, how disappointed he was that he couldn’t go on it. And then, it hit me.

Disappointed - (d

-poin

d) – adj -- Thwarted in hope, desire, or expectation.

I shared, previously, that I have had a hard time with Caleb being gone. I (usually) don’t feel anger at God, or the circumstances, but there’s just a feeling in me that is negative and I can’t shake (other then the expected, “I miss him”). It feels very incongruent with gratitude to God (see my last posting!). But I couldn’t name it. Until now … I believe that it is simply disappointment.

Hope – I had such high hopes for Caleb on this earth! He was (is) so smart, witty, bright, and intelligent – I was so looking forward to watching him grow up and take on the world! I hoped for lots of days of soccer, bike riding, and Taco Cabana. I was waiting for the first phone call from a teacher, complaining because Caleb had said something unexpectedly adult and probably witty :-) I hoped to see him grow up, fall in love, and make his Mommy proud by how well he treated his wife.

Desire – I so wanted to enjoy Caleb’s growing up years, to take him camping, and teach him to drive someday. I really wanted to know his kids someday, take them for ice cream and sweets, spoil their dinner, and tell them what a nut their Dad was! I wanted to show them videos of Caleb playing doctor and singing to Alan Jackson.

Expectation – I had lots of those too. I expected to have many years to enjoy things with Caleb, things we just never got to do. Oh, how we tried to squeeze a lifetime of living into 10 months – but we just couldn’t get it all in. I never expected to have only 4 years, 7 months, and 28 days.

But, reflecting on my last posting, doesn’t God work out everything for the best? Yes, He does, so I’m left with the simple fact that I’m disappointed because my plan just wasn’t God’s plan. And I just have to trust that His is better.

You know, I remember how disappointed Caleb was once, when I wouldn’t take him to the Railroad Museum after he was ugly and rude to his Mom. But I knew that he needed to learn a lesson – it was for his greater good (note this was before he got sick!) But it sure killed me to see how sad Caleb was. After I told him we could not go that day, I can still see his eyes fill with tears, and then his running to his room, slamming the door, and burying his face in his bed crying. Ouch, it still hurts – 2 years later. I went into his room, held him, and told him that someday, he would understand. And that I loved him. And that next Saturday, if he was good, I would take him.

I wonder if God feels the same tugs at His heart when He sees our sadness and disappointment at things He knows are really for the better? Like my not taking Caleb to the Railroad Museum that Saturday morning was for the greater good? I wonder. How could a loving father not? But, like Caleb, I have to trust that I just don’t see it yet.

The funny thing is, now, the tables are turned. Today, I bet that Caleb understands why I did what I did 2 years ago. And today, from the streets of gold, he watches Annette & my eyes fill with tears, run to our room, and bury our face in the bed because of what God allowed to come to pass. And, like me that Saturday morning, I bet it hurts him – but I can just see him saying, “Someday, Daddy, you will understand. I love you.”

Amen. Someday, God willing, perhaps I will understand why things came to pass in this way. And until then, I will just have to trust. So be it.

With gratitude in my heart for a loving Father, I will await “next Saturday.”

WOW! We had a very special time yesterday, as we had a blessing for Caleb's grave marker/memorial stone. Despite the amazing Texas heat, so many of our dearest friends, neighbors, and family came for the blessing. Father Albert had some wonderful words of blessing. Our dear friend and neighbor, Allan, had some wonderful words as well. And the release of balloons to the heavens, marked with messages for Caleb, was nothing short of awe inspiring. There are pictures - but I didn't take any as I was trying to be 'in the moment.' Our friends and family captured some - we'll work on getting copies over the next few weeks so we can share them with you all. Once we get them, we'll post them here.

Afterwards, we had a special gathering at the house complete with Taco Cabana! How blessed we were to enjoy the company of our dearest friends for a few hours while we ate Taco Cabana and shared fellowship. Thanks to everyone who came - we are so blessed by your friendship and love. THANK YOU! And special thanks to Taco Cabana. The Houston catering crew kind of let us down, but the corporate folks came through and had food driven all the way to our house from San Antonio!! And it arrived piping hot and fresh as if it came from a block away ... now that's dedication!

Isn't it interesting how God drops these "God Moments" into our lives, just when we need them the most? I liken them to Paul getting knocked to the ground by the bolt of lightning. I had one in my den/office today ... I noticed a book I'd not look at in a long time on the shelf, "Power in Praise" by Merlin Carothers. It's an old book. Anyway, I just flipped it open randomly and started to read ... here were the words I started with:

"Why can't our faith grow in pleasant, easy circumstances? It does, as we come to trust and rely more and more on God's promises. But the purifying, the testing of our faith, has to come through circumstances that are a challenge to our determination to believe, trust, rely on God's word, in spite of what our senses tell us. For so long, we've trusted our senses, our emotions, and our intellect to dictate our beliefs. We must be broken of that habit in order to exercise faith. So if God tells us he's working everything out for our good, and we see everything go wrong, our faith grows when we stand on God's Word and thank Him for everything that happens. How do you think Abraham's faith grew?"

It has been one year. One year since that warm, sunny Friday afternoon that God gently called you home. I know that chronological matters such as this are probably of little import in Heaven, but here on earth, it represents a lot. What does it mean?

Well, for starters, it means that I have missed 365 bath-times with you. Do you remember how I would sing “It’s Caleb Joshua Time …” when I would be ready for your bath? You would look at Mommy, get that silly grin, and say “Let’s hide!” You would then proceed to crawl under the couch cushions. I miss that.

It also means that we have missed 52 “guy-store” days. I still do them, you know – something about Sam’s Club calls me there for a pretzel and coke every Saturday morning but I really have no idea why except it makes me think of you. I even put a shot of “red coke” in it, now and again, in memory of you. I still drive all the way to the back of the parking lot to count the tractor trailers, too – because I know you would want to. But it isn’t near the same without you.

But although I have missed your company this year – badly – I have been very grateful for everything that you have taught me this year. You left a lot of wisdom here, son. As I reflect upon everything you did and said while you were here, and think about the signs you have sent and visits you have made, I realize how much I have learned from you.

You taught me that the simple things in life are those which mean the most. A pretzel at Sam’s, tractor trailers in the parking lot, train crossings, fire trucks, the moon, rolling up the windows and singing at the top of your lungs in the car, a shiny John Deere – these things are replete with meaning for me now and I have never looked at any of them the same again since I knew you.

You taught me that bad stuff just happens – it’s nobody’s fault, and complaining about it doesn’t help. I think of all the times you were cut, poked, and irradiated. I think of all the times tape was pulled off you, sometimes in the middle of the night. Never once did you complain. Not ever. Never did you say “Why do I have to go to the doctor?” Never did you say, “why do I have a shunt in my head but nobody else does?” You just smiled, took it as it came, made the best of it, and left everyone who met you smiling. Boy, was that a lesson.

And last but not least, you taught me that the ultimate goal of this life is – and I quote you directly – is to be able to “love all over Jesus when I see him.” I still remember when you fell asleep in my arms, murmuring “Glory to God in the Highest and Peace to His People on Earth” until you were out. Caleb, I literally felt as if I was holding an angel. I realize now that I was.

So, son, we’ll all be thinking of you today (as we always do). Mommy and I remain so grateful to God for the privilege of being your earthly parents. And we await the day when, in God’s time, we shall all be together again.

Just a quick note -- we have a date and time for the blessing of Caleb's headstone! It's 5:00 PM on Saturday, August 9, at Mt Olivet. More to come, soon, with some details. Annette is also sending an e-mail. Hope you are all well.

Hi everyone, hope you are doing well. We're doing OK - getting through each day as best we can. Annette and I have both noticed we're feeling more of the sad emotions, recently. As I mentioned before, I'm still supremely confident in Caleb's whereabouts and give thanks for having the privilege of being his Dad - but I still miss the daylights out of him. I've given this a lot of thought, recently, and I think it comes down to the fact that we're approaching ONE YEAR - yes, one full year - without Caleb Joshua. All the firsts have gone ... Annette's first birthday without Caleb, the first Halloween, the first Thanksgiving, his first birthday, the first Christmas, the first Valentine's Day, Dad's first birthday without Caleb, the first Easter, the first July 4th ... and so on, and so on. There are no more firsts. They have all gone. The only one that remains is - the first anniversary of his ascension to eternal life. For those of you recall - it is coming right up - on August 3. Just 11 days away.

SO - that said, some exciting news to share! You will recall that I mentioned we were planning a very special headstone for Caleb? It has arrived! The awesome folks at Mt Olivet called and let us know it's here - so we had to go look. It's not placed yet, but we got to go see it. The pictures are here on the pictures page! Hopefully, it will be placed in time for the first anniversary of his passing. We plan to have a blessing ceremony - so come join us! Annette will probably e-mail everyone and let you know, and maybe even have a little gathering after --- more to come. If you definitely want us to make sure we tell you when, e-mail us. You can also tell us what you think of his memorial.

First, Judy. I wrote about Judy a few months ago, and I am REALLY happy to report that Judy has left the hospital and is now at home with her daughter! She is doing so well, praise God. It's so awesome!!

Second: Caleb's gift. On Father's day, I must admit, I said a bit of a selfish prayer and asked Caleb Joshua to come and visit me. I really wanted to "see" him, in whatever way he chose to reveal himself - but I really did expect to see him. I grew anxious as the day approached, but knew that somehow, someway, Caleb would make himself known. By the end of the day, I was quietly disappointed - because I did not encounter Caleb on Father's day. I figured that somehow, I just hadn't seen it. Well, on June 28th (2 weeks after Father's day), at 12:30 in the AM, Annette forwards me a note from a friend .... it was written on the Friday before Father's day, but it got lost in Annette's inbox :-) Well, here's what it said:

Ok you are going to think I am really weird but, I just have this overwhelming urge to tell you something. As I was typing that part about Caleb sending David special blessings I felt someone standing by the entrance of the room and I thought (my son) had come downstairs without me hearing him. Then when I hit send I heard footsteps running across the tile and wood floor towards my bedroom so I went to see what (he) was doing and he was still upstairs. I know that I did not know Caleb but, I feel like I just met him or sensed him or something. I sorry, you probably think I am nuts but, I really feel like it was him and he wanted his daddy to know he was going to be with him in his own way on Father's Day! Anyway have a great weekend!

Hoping that you are all doing well. Please keep us in your prayers -- and thanks for all your love & support of us.

To all the wonderful people who continue to come here to read whatever ramblings I muster up, I just want to say - thanks. And, apologize, for being so sporadic about writing anything down anymore. The honest truth is that, recently, I've really been having a hard time with Caleb being gone. And I've not felt much like writing a lot recently. I know where Caleb Joshua is, and I'm grateful he comes and visits now and again. I am proud of him, the mission he had in his life, and remain grateful to God for the privilege of being Caleb's Dad. But, as time goes on, I miss his physical presence more and more. I pray each day for peace, wisdom, and understanding.

Father's Day came and went, and I celebrated it as I would have if Caleb were here. We started the day with morning Mass; then went to Sam's Club for pretzel & coke, and to Taco Cabana for a nice lunch. I think I went to Fry's that afternoon, as well, to top it off. Caleb would have loved doing those things with us. It was all his favorite stuff.

I do want to share the amazing (but late!) Father's day gift I received from Caleb. But, more on that next time - it's late. I promise I'll put something down before another month goes by :-)

How time flies ... tomorrow, it will be 10 months since Caleb Joshua went home to Heaven. While in some respects it doesn't seem that long, in others, it sure does. By my calculations, we have missed 44 trips to Sam's, probably 50-60 trips to Taco Cabana, and untold Fry's trips. Caleb hasn't been sitting idle, however ... in fact, he is very engaged in the Lord's work. There are a few things I would like to share. This will take a bit of explanation, but it's worth it. So here goes.

We have been very blessed in recent years to know a dear friend, Judy. Judy goes to church with us, and one time, she performed an act of kindness to Caleb Joshua that he never forgot. In short, she brought him a cookie (during church!). Caleb was acting up a bit during Church (CALEB ?!) and I told him if he was quiet, I'd find him a cookie after mass. Judy overheard this (she was sitting in the pew directly ahead) and since Caleb settled down nicely, she went and got him a cookie before mass ended! Caleb was so grateful for that cookie. He never forgot that.

Unfortunately, a few months ago, Judy was diagnosed with Lung Cancer and for the last 6 weeks or so, she has been hospitalized. While we never know the Lord's plans, it appears He will call for her sometime soon. She is surrounded by a crowd of friends and relatives, true to the well-loved woman she is.

Judy had a special message for us a couple weeks ago. She revealed to us that Caleb has been visiting her. She says he doesn't usually speak - he just "Flutters" (she calls it) - and smiles a lot (that's Caleb alright). She says she gets the impression that speaking isn't what he prefers. But this one time, she told us, he spoke to her. And he told her to "tell my Mom that I'm fine" ... and that he knows she loves him ... and that he is going to "help her (Judy) get out of there." WOW. This was what I alluded to in my last posting ... but I had to get the details from Judy herself.

As we were on the way to the hospital to see Judy on Friday night, I stepped out of the den and headed down the stairs. Caleb's room is right across from the den, and it's pretty much as he left it. On one wall are two posters that his preschool class made him when he was in Texas Children's hospital right after diagnosis. One of the posters ... a heavy posterboard ... had fallen off the wall (?) - first time ever - and sailed a good distance through the air to come to rest at the threshold of Caleb's doorway oriented so that as you stood at the door it was perfectly poised for you to read it. On the posterboard, amidst the handprints of his classmates, was the worded message ... "We love you, and we miss you."

Thank you, Lord, for reminding us that you are in our midst, and that your angels are at work among us. And thank you for the gift of Judy.

Happy May, friends and family! This weekend is Mother's day, of course, and I ask everyone to keep in their prayers all Mothers, everywhere, for the wonderful grace they infuse into our families.

Annette and I took a much needed respite from the world, today, and journeyed to old-town Spring, Texas. It's about an hour north of here, and it's a town full of shops, antiques, and just a fun and special place for us. We haven't gone there since before Caleb was diagnosed. So, we took the day and left League City behind. Enjoyed a fantastic lunch at Wunsche Bros (I go only for the Chicken Fried Steak plate with Mashed Potatoes & Green Beans), and did a bunch of shopping. Met a bunch of nice people who own small shops. Only bought a handful of stuff, though. But we really enjoyed it. Found a store with a great stash of John Deere goods - so I bought a frame in which I'll place on of Caleb's great John Deere shots. It'll be awesome. Spring is also right on the main Union Pacific train track line, so there's always something going by - which, as you know, is also something we associate with Caleb. So it adds emotional value.

Caleb is on our thoughts very much these days, particularly as the summer is here now and we miss playing with him out front. Oh, Caleb Joshua, how we would love to watch you playing in the abundant light and walking the streets of gold right now ... in God's own time, we pray, we will.

I'll post another update later this weekend - we have something else to share - but I have to get the details right! I also will try to put some pictures up this weekend in the Gallery of Relay for Life, etc.

The Relay for Life. Caleb's team had a great showing! Lots of awesome people came to support our team. Yvonne and the girls came from San Antonio, and brought their friend Haley with them - it was wonderful seeing them all. As the Star Spangled Banner was played, I could see - through the people, and the tents - sitting in front of the pavilion - the large "E-13" reflecting from the side on the wonderful engine that carried Caleb Joshua to his place of rest. Jason, Carlos, and Katie from the League City Fire Dept brought Engine 13 over to join the RFL activities for a little while. What a blessing to us all. Unfortunately, in replay of last year's relay, the night was called off at 2 AM when severe storms moved into the area. And we were still going strong - we'd have made it! We got in lots of good laps, ate some good food (probably not so good for us!), had some great conversations, remembered our loved ones, had a moving luminary - I could go on. Oh well, all things for a reason, and we enjoyed what time we had.

The weather kind of continued that tone for the weekend, so we didn't do much outside - but we had some good game times, a nice bbq, and visiting with our out-of-town family.

I have something new to think about. I continue to reflect on the ways in which God accomplished amazing things through Caleb Joshua. Over the weekend, I played on the iPod a few times the song by Phillips Craig & Dean, "I want to be Just Like You." If you've never heard it, take a listen. Every father should listen to that song. I first heard it on our ACTS retreat in July of '05, and it became a powerful Gospel to me. One particular line - "Let me be a living bible, Lord, that my little boy can read ..." has always stuck with me. It finally occurred to me, this evening, that the reverse happened. God turned Caleb Joshua into a living bible that his daddy could read. I've always thought I knew a lot about my faith. I've taught our faith to youth and adults alike. But, after the last year, I realize I knew nothing. God taught me so much through Caleb's life, his illness, and his death. I almost feel guilty saying I have "faith" because really, I don't. Faith implies belief in what has not been seen --- but I have seen with my own eyes, so clearly, the miracles in Caleb that there's little left to trust. I can relate to Thomas who had to be shown to believe. Thank you, Caleb, for showing Daddy. Thank you for being a "living bible" to Daddy. I continue to think of you each day, son, and about the lessons you showed me. I'm forever grateful.

But you know, I really miss you, too. I'd give a lot to have you sit in the cart at Sam's again and get mad at me for eating too much of the soft pretzel and for not putting in enough of the "Red" Coke into our drink. You are awesome.

As I said, now I have something new to think about. I feel called to make a list of the things I learned from Caleb's life. Perhaps some day, that will become clear.

Thanks again for checking in on us, and, for your ongoing prayers for us. Peace to you, and, good night.

It has officially been a month - and three days - since I've posted anything. I'm sorry about that. And I know I keep apologizing for taking so long between updates on us, so here's another one. But much has happened with us, so I thought I would share a few things.

First - Relay for Life - the Baytown Relay for Life was a huge success, raising over $800,000! It's one of the largest RFL's in the nation I understand. The ExxonMobil Emergency Response Teams relayed in Caleb's honor, and what an honor it was. His name occupied a spot on the team shirt next to Chief Huron. We spent several hours, and walked some laps. It was moving for us.

This coming Friday is the Bay Area Relay for Life, where Caleb's Team - sponsored by his wonderful friends at Creative Corners, joined by many others - will walk the track all night. We plan to also attend that event and support the team's efforts! Caleb's Aunt Yvonne, cousins Marissa and Julianna, and hopefully Uncle Jorge will come and relay with us on Friday. We're so excited that they are coming!

Those of you who know me well are aware that since Caleb passed away, I've taken up running. I don't really know why - in a strange way, I felt "called" to. Does that make sense? It doesn't to me ... it's never interested me in the slightest, and I could run all of 60 seconds before having to stop! But, I've been working on it since last August, and back in January, I reached a personal goal of running 10 miles nonstop. So, on the weekends, I go out for a long run. It is typically during those long runs, these days, that Caleb draws near. Maybe it's because I have time to be alone with my thoughts, maybe I'm running too hard and I'm oxygen deprived (:-)), who knows - or, maybe, it's Caleb's choice of venue and that's why I felt some odd calling to be a runner? No telling. But the times when I'm closest to Caleb are when I'm running. This past Saturday, I did a 7 mile loop through town and as usual, my thoughts turned to Caleb Joshua and his uniqueness. And as I looked down, I passed an unopened - no joke - 4-piece king sized Reeses Peanut Butter Cup package laying by the side of the road. Caleb's favorite. It was awesome. When I was out on the main drag (FM 518), on the nice new wide sidewalk, I passed a young boy (~ 13?) walking down the road dressed quite nicely. As I ran past him, I just smiled and he beamed back the most peaceful and kind smile I've seen -- no words spoken -- just a warm, affirming smile. It was a strong reminder of another incident Caleb & I together had at Taco Cabana last summer before he passed away -- it's linked here on my October 27 entry. And, as I was returning home running down Hewitt St towards the railroad tracks, a long - and I mean long- train rumbled down the tracks whistle blaring. I had to wait for it to pass before I could lumber across the tracks back towards the house. I can just see Caleb laughing his head off at making Daddy wait there while this train went past. That hasn't ever happened before. So, it was a nice run and I just hope and pray that Caleb keeps dropping Caleb reminders to me ... they're very peaceful. It's hard to explain.

Annette and I go on ... and remain so very grateful for your prayers. More YouTube videos coming - I promise.

Happy St Patrick's Day! Sorry, again, for taking a few weeks to post an update - honestly, I haven't felt like saying much. But there are definitely things happening. First, I've added some new videos to Caleb's YouTube site. ( Here's a link). Two - one very short one, of him trying on his fireman helmet for the first time. This is the real, somewhat heavy helmet the ExxonMobil Fire Team gave him - and he puts it on, gets a pleased look, and starts to tumble backwards from the weight!!! The video ends abruptly as I catch him :-) The other video is Caleb, very proud, discussing his fireman suit with me. I honestly didn't remember I had that video, and I came across it yesterday. Wow, what a treasure! I'll add more soon. Although not the cheeriest, I want to add the picture shows from his funeral - they are moving.

AND --- again, this year, Caleb has inspired two Relay for Life teams! His friends from Mothers Day Out have started a "Caleb's Team" for the Clear-Lake area Relay. And, the ExxonMobil Emergency Response Teams are dedicating their relay this year to their brother Caleb, and their late Chief, Harold Huron, who also passed away from cancer a few years ago. What a honor for Caleb, and us. You touched a lot of people, son. We remember you. And we fight against the disease which harmed you. Someday, Lord willing, we will defeat this monster. We'll post links to the RFL pages shortly so you can be a part of you'd like to.

Howdy everyone! Sorry it's been a few weeks. I was in Phoenix, AZ, this past week for business and it's been a while since I've been able to hop on to write an update. SO ... I should tell you some interesting things about the Phoenix trip.

This is the first time since Caleb, Annette, and I flew to Washington for Caleb's last trip to NIH last June that I've flown out of Hobby Airport on Southwest Airlines without Caleb. So, I was a bit sad. It made me think of when Caleb & I traveled to my Dad's house - in fact, I carried this picture with me on the trip.

Annette took it as Caleb and I prepared to leave for Florida - he was SO excited. It was only a month before we found out about the tumor.

So, anyway, I asked Caleb think about coming along with me on the trip or at least visiting me now and again. In his usual way, he did!

First - our flight crew to Phoenix was GREAT. In order to accommodate a couple (not sure why, I didn't ask) they asked me if I would be willing to move. I didn't care, all the seats when to Phoenix and it was just me, so I said sure. They directed me to a seat in ... guess where ... Row 13. 13 is an interesting number to do with Caleb - strangely enough. For example: he rode in ExxonMobil Team 13's fire engine in October '06; he was carried to Mt Olivet Cemetery aboard League City Engine 13; there were 13 firefighters at his funeral, and they were seated under the 13th Station of the Cross in the church. (Caleb's friend, Captain Byrd, pointed this out to me). So, I've come to associate that with Caleb. So, me getting put in Row 13 was a bit interesting. But that's not all.

So, when I arrive in Phoenix, I'm missing Caleb being with me. I turn off the Interstate and onto the road that leads to the campus - and there it is, on the left as large as life, "FRY'S ELECTRONICS." There are 34 Fry's stores in the entire United States of America! What are the odds? So now I'm feeling good. I turn the corner onto the entrance road, and right on the corner - "Einstein's Bagel Bakery" (Caleb's 2nd favorite food). And then, right on campus, "Starbucks Coffee". By now, this had Caleb written all over it. I've never seen another Einstein's other than the one Caleb and I go to in Houston (OK, I'm sure there are LOTS but I've just never seen one - except this one).

Hi Everyone - there's not a whole lot of new things going on here. We are missing Caleb very much these days - now that summer seems on its way back now, the days are warmer, and we are thinking of everything we would be doing with Caleb. Son, I know you are doing all that and so much more then we could ever know - but we still wish we had you here on earth to enjoy the simple earthly things. We are glad to know that someday, in God's time, we'll all do those things together again.

Annette & I went grocery shopping today - but realized 1 aisle into it that we were far too hungry to shop! So we went across the street to Taco Cabana, had a meal and reminisced about Caleb, and then got back to the task at hand.

Thanks for looking at Caleb's videos! His "singing" video has gotten almost 200 views. There are three Caleb videos up so far - more to come. His "5-O'Clock Somewhere" video; his "Look Out Fixin' to Burp" video; and his "Gonna Have an Accident" video. Hope you enjoy them. Here's a link to his videos.

Of course, this past Wednesday was Ash Wednesday, which marks the beginning of the wonderful season of Lent. May your Lenten journey be spiritually fulfilling and blessed. Have a good week!

February, already. Tomorrow is the six-month anniversary of Caleb's ascension to eternal life - and, of course, his earthly departure from us. I miss you, son.

I finally took the Christmas lights down off the house last weekend. It was a bit sad because Caleb wasn't there to help me, and by taking the lights down, I'm officially admitting the season is over.

While pulling down the lights, I collect the staples into my pocket as I go. So, by the end of the job, I have a pretty good pocket full of staples. As I was removing them to the trash pail, I felt something in my pocket like paper. I pulled it out, and alas, it was paper. Unfolding the crunched up ball, dirtied with the grime from the weathered staples, revealed a most precious item - a Taco Cabana receipt from March 17, 2007. This was probably the last time Caleb and I went to Taco Cabana before he began his significant downturn in March. I plan to preserve it. And thanks, Caleb, for reminding me that you were there with me. (But next time maybe you can pull some staples out, too, and help me!!!!) And by the way - this was the pocket of my jeans - not like a winter coat or something thrown on only a handful of times a year - how many times have those been through the wash? Another visit from Caleb I think.

Here's another gift Caleb left us that you might enjoy watching -> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9i_wyXh-lbQ. What's special about this video, that made me take it, is that this was one of the first days after Caleb's diagnosis that he woke up really perky, lively, and full of life! It was in November, 2006 - about 6 weeks after his diagnosis. It is so Caleb. This is who he was! This was the beginning of the time when the radiation checked the tumor strongly enough that, other then the steroids weight, you didn't know Caleb was sick. I'll try to post some more.

And by the way -- I know I've mentioned it before -- but just in case: our Cable Company left town, and took our former e-mail addresses with them. They were nice enough to forward them for awhile, but as of 12/31/07, no more. So, if you are still using the "@houston.rr.com" e-mail addresses, they won't get to us anymore. Please use either david@ingram-family.net or annette@ingram-family.net. These won't ever change, because, we own them!

Sorry that there's not much more to say this week - but I at least wanted to share the lights story and tell you that we continue to think of all our friends, and marvel over how much you have loved us and supported us. Hoping that all is well with you.

Happy New Year! No, nothing is wrong with the web server ... it's been on my heart for a while now to return the above Caleb banner to it's rightful place. As many of you will remember, this is the banner that adorned Caleb's update page until, well, you know. It has really been on my heart to put it back - maybe Caleb likes it better - and so, I'm going where I'm led. It's back! Hope you enjoy it.

Sorry for once again waiting 3 weeks to write anything. My forecast in early December that "in a week thing will be back to normal" was a bit off ... just last week, we were able to move back into our den and set the computer up again (recall a water leak in the adjacent bathroom had the bathroom & den torn apart for over a month ... ). Updates were just so entailed from a remote computer. But life is getting back to "normal" again.

Not a day goes by that we do not think about - and miss terribly - Caleb Joshua. We know where he is, heavens knows that's true. But we do so miss him, everything about him. His gut-splitting laughter. His sense of humor. His ability to find the extraordinary in the ordinary. His love of everyone. His sweet voice. The baby powder plumes rocketing up from his bed after the bath (when he'd squeeze the bottle) and the ensuing laughter. His love for Jesus' Blessed mother, Mary. And, how you just looked into his eyes and could almost see the Lord looking back at you. You truly made one-of-a-kind in Caleb, Lord. I can't blame you for wanting him back. We are forever grateful that you chose us to have the privilege of caring for him during his years here on earth.

What's up with us? Annette has done her part - Christmas is down inside. However, outside, the lights are still hung from the gutters with care knowing full well that St Nicholas was already there! The light-up deer look so majestic out on the lawn .. although we did unplug them finally. Next weekend, I'll take it down. There's a part of me that will be sad about that - Caleb loved Christmas so.

Add another first: last weekend, I changed the oil in the car for the first time without Caleb. Last change was in July (it's OK ... it's synthetic!). That was when Caleb was starting to deteriorate - he had to sit in his Prince's chair at the front of the car while I did the work. But he was very engaged in what was going on. After the job was done, I went to get a tool out of the garage and walked across the front lawn --- and tripped over a potted plant Annette had in the front yard in a wire hanging basket (yes, it was on the ground). The loop in my tennis shoe lace caught on the wire and I went flying headfirst across the yard with the plant sailing over my head (from my leg trying to kick free), landing on the sidewalk, and the dirt exploded everywhere. (I was fine - thanks for asking - embarrassed, but fine). Caleb about fell out of his chair LAUGHING so hard!! He laughed for what must have been a solid hour. Later on, when Annette would say, "Caleb, did Daddy trip over the plant?" he would resume the same gut-splitting laughter. I'd say, "Caleb, it's NOT funny!" and he'd laugh even harder. Oh, how I miss it.

We are now on Revision 3 of Caleb's headstone plans. After Rev 2, we realized we forgot something ... so our good friend Lynn at Mount Olivet is working up another version! Hopefully, we'll be able to approve it soon and get moving on the construction phase. At this rate, we'll be lucky to have it placed by Caleb's 6th birthday. But it will be AWESOME! Caleb will be very proud of it.

Many of you have told us that you continue to hold us in your prayers - and we continue to be so very grateful. It's only by the grace and strength of God alone that we rise each day and face the world. Many thanks for your prayers on our behalf. May 2008 be a year of joy for us all ...

Monday, December 31, 2007

It's the last day of 2007 - and what a year has this been. It was full of our greatest sorrows, but yet, it also contained many of our greatest blessings. It's quite an odd dichotomy to process internally. But on the whole, we finish up 2007 grateful to God for the wisdom, blessings, and love He bestowed on us. And, we finish up 2007 grateful to all our friends and family who literally carried us during some of our hardest times. How blessed we are.

Our Christmas in San Antonio was nice, and peaceful. We really enjoyed the time with our family, and although Caleb was badly missed, his spirit was clearly with us. Especially during midnight mass - I just know he was there. Only one thing to share - since Caleb was really little, he has had this thing about the moon. We called the moon, "Mr Moon" to personify it and from the time before he could really talk, Caleb could point at the moon. When Caleb was not even 1, first thing in the morning, I'd pull him in the wagon across the street to where Annette was watching our neighbor's girls as I headed off to work - and Caleb would invariably scan the sky, find the moon, and point. So, the moon has always been something I associated with Caleb. On the way home on Christmas Day (had to work Wednesday!), while driving down I-10 midway between San Antonio & Houston, the moon rose out of the eastern sky and sat on the roadway on the horizon. It was positively HUGE, and just sat out there almost as a target for me to drive at. What a beautiful sight. Not sure if it was a Christmas greeting from our angel but it definitely made me think of him and was good company for us on the trip home.

Another interesting point - you might recall from a few months ago, I'd shared our Buc-ees story. There's a Buc-ees at the intersection of I-10 and Hwy 183 in Luling, and Caleb just loved to stop there and buy an icee. They had a bunch of wooden rocking chairs and benches on the front porch (for sale) and Caleb loved to sit on them with us and just sip the icees and talk. It was one of our special moments. The first trip out to San Antonio after his passing, we swung through Buc-ees for memory sake and the benches/chairs/rockers were all gone. The porch was completely clear. For the first time since the place was built, there was nothing on the porch. Almost as if it was just there for him! Well, they're still gone ...

So tonight we'll ring in the new year. May this be a year of peace and joy. And may this be the year that a cure for DIPG is found.

We pray that 2008 brings many blessings to you and your family. Happy New Year!

Saturday, December 22, 2007

Last weekend, I went down to Mt Olivet to remove the beautiful wooden birthday cake that had adorned Caleb's grave all week. While the weather had taken its toll on the balloons, all else - including the notes left for him - were in great shape! They have sodded his grave, now, so it looks much more pleasing and the foundation has been laid for his stone. That will be ~ 6 months out, yet, but it's nice to see some progress. It was a very gray and rainy morning in Houston, so my visit with Caleb was under very cloudy and gray skies. As I said goodbye to him, I asked him to come see me soon - I miss him. I picked up the birthday cake, and turned to walk towards the car. At that moment, in front of me, the clouds parted and the beautiful sun shone down and bathed the altar circle and the part of the cemetery with Caleb's grave in beautiful warm light.

"Hi, Daddy." Hello, son. And thanks.

So, it's now 3 days before we celebrate the birth of our Lord. Christmas will be very different this year, for several reasons. The most obvious, of course, is that Caleb is not with us here on earth to Celebrate for the first time in 5 years. We will miss him, indeed. He just loved Christmas - the decorations, the presents, the treats, and the family. And of course, we loved to see his excitement, his wonder, the expression as he came downstairs to see what Santa left - I will treasure those forever. And I miss them. The other reason is that Christmas has taken on a totally different feel this year. No, not because it's 80 degrees outside and I was hanging Christmas lights in shorts and a t-shirt. But, you see, I, like Caleb, have always enjoyed the decorations, the family, the warmth of Christmas. And while all those things are here this year, it's very different. While Christmas will still be about family and warmth, for me, the meaning has taken on a totally new dimension. Christmas to me now is so much more about God and his faithfulness, that led him to send His own son into the world that we might all have eternal life. I see the child Jesus, born into a family, whose entire life had a very clear and strong purpose which he accomplished well. By his life and death, many came to know God and believe. We were saved, by a child, a gift of God, called Emmanuel. "God with us." Amen. Praise God. Thank you, God, for the gift you gave us in Jesus.

And Thank You, God, for the gift you gave us in Caleb Joshua.

May your Christmas be special, and may the gift of the child - Emmanuel, God with Us - be your most treasured gift. Merry Christmas.

Thursday, December 6, 2007

Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday dear Caleb, Happy Birthday to you! (And your cousin Marissa would add, "you look like a monkey and you smell like one, too!")

Happy Birthday, son! It was 5 years ago today that you came into the world and made your Mommy and I the happiest people that ever were. Little did we know where we would be 5 years later.

The day had a very nice start. Annette woke up at 2:10 AM (Caleb was born @ 2:06 AM). She came downstairs, and sat in the family room for a while. As she was sitting there, Caleb's fire engine (in his toy cabinet) turned on its lights and siren ... all by itself! Then, it did it again! It then grew silent, as it has been since Caleb's passing. That was nice, son - you knew your Mommy needed you to drop in on her.

What a day it was - THANK YOU to everyone who helped us remember Caleb, and who helped keep us together. Thanks to those who came by the house to give us a hug today; thanks to those who left balloons out front; thanks for the pennies which adorned our sidewalk at 5:30 AM this morning! Thank you for those who sent us flowers, for those who sent cards, and e-mails, and we love the big wooden birthday cake on Caleb's grave from the Dobsons. Thank you to those who visited his grave, who left notes, toys, and balloons. Thank you all -- as I've said before, we are so grateful for how you take care of us. God does so much to lift us up through you. Thanks.

We had a nice dinner at Taco Cabana this evening. I know Caleb would have enjoyed that. But, now, he has all the Taco Cabana he could ever hope to eat.  Where the chips are forever red, and the queso never runs out.

So, son, Happy Birthday. We're proud of you.  We give thanks to God for the gift of YOU, and, for the wonderfully awesome people who have come into our lives. We are so blessed.

Sunday, December 2, 2007

This will be one of our harder weeks since Caleb passed away, as he would have been 5 on Thursday. December 6, 2002 - one of the most joyful days of our life. As we always had to give Caleb's date of birth when we checked in at the Cancer Center, he came to know it by heart and could even answer for us. A funny memory now.

Caleb was so excited to be "BIG" - how ironic that now, with the help of God, he's really bigger than us all.

So, we will probably celebrate Caleb's birthday with a Taco Cabana meal in his honor and bring him some celebratory things at Mt Olivet. He always did like a good party. How special his birthday party was last year ... if you've forgotten, there are photographs on the Pictures page from last year's party.

Christmas time was Caleb's favorite time of year -- he loved getting the tree, decorating, hanging lights -- so we are going ALL OUT for that this year in Caleb's honor. It was admittedly hard to get started, but we have decided Caleb would want us to go full force and so we are. Exterior lights went up yesterday (well, about 90%) and we just have a few more strands and the swags to get up for lighting. We're going to do some reindeer this year, too - how Caleb would have loved those. He always enjoyed going to Miss Althea's yard to check out her cool decor - don't know what he'd have done with a reindeer of his own.

I hope everyone is well. Please forgive the slower postings and, if you're e-mailing us, the slower responses. The office is torn apart right now (including computer) while a water leak that damaged the subfloors, carpet, etc is repaired and we're using our "backup" methods! What a mess. Hopefully in a week or so, we'll be back to normal.

Praying that this Christmas season is a joyful one, and a blessing to you.

We just had to write and tell you that we had a very special night visiting your Fire family at League City Station 1. Taco Cabana did themselves proud and delivered a first-class Fajita meal, and we had a really nice time visiting with your friends and sharing memories of you. While we didn't eat your favorite food (that is, the Bean & Cheese Burrito) we did have your favorite Chips & Queso with our fajitas. But we saved all the red chips for you, don't worry. We watched the video of your awesome fireman send-off, and the John Deere video that you loved so much too.

Your friends are so special, Caleb. They are so giving that they leave their families every day, and put themselves in danger to help people they don't even know. Actually, I guess, they are among the most loving people I have ever had the chance to meet. I can see so clearly why you loved them so much. And I am so proud that you were a firefighter, too. You fit in with them just great. You have some very special friends, Caleb Joshua, and they love you and miss you. We do, too. Hopefully, it's OK with you if we call them our friends, too, because we think they're pretty special. And we are so grateful to them for loving you so much.

I know you're doing GREAT, son, and I'm so happy for you that you're with Jesus now. We miss you lots, Caleb Joshua, but we love when you come near and remind us you're around. Have a great first Thanksgiving in Heaven, son, and know that we love you and miss you, too. Aunt Yvonne, Uncle Jorge, Julianna, and Marissa are here for Thanksgiving, and Bubba and Sister too. We'll be thinking of you.

Today was definitely a tough day for us. Perhaps 'bittersweet' would be the right word. This morning was the Memorial Breakfast for the patients at the Texas Children's Cancer Center who passed away over the last year. It was a beautiful remembrance, held downtown at the Doubletree. We got to "know", through pictures and written memories, the other children at TxCCC who were taken by Cancer over the last year. It was a hard morning, but yet another step in the healing process. The Dobsons joined us for the program, and we got to see Dr Kilburn - we enjoyed that part.

This coming week, we are going to visit Caleb's brothers and sisters at the League City Fire Department. It will be good to see them. We'll have to get some pictures.

This week, of course, will bring the first Thanksgiving without Caleb. He so loved the fall, and having his cousins visit for Thanksgiving. And, you know, as I look back, we have so much to be thankful for this year. Thankful for friends who stood by us through it all, thankful for our family, thankful for the Doctors and Nurses who kept Caleb comfortable through everything and loved us too, and thankful for a faithful and loving God who ministered to us through all of you. And thankful that, if he couldn't be here with us, that Caleb received the ultimate reward of eternal life with God.

And speaking of Thanks, THANKS for the wonderful messages in the guest book. Heidi, Tammy, and Vicky, we are so grateful for your awesome words.

I took the opportunity to organize some files on the computer. Over the last 6 months, lots of things got away from us and we're still "digging out." Anyway, I went into the directory where the sound files from my portable voice recorder are synchronized. Now, I should tell you that I used to let Caleb play with my voice recorder all the time -- he just loved it. So, as a consequence, I have many files of Caleb talking to the recorder. Now, in hindsight, they are priceless.

I've not listened to many of them, they've just been laying around for a calmer day. Some are quite lengthy. Anyhow, I was missing Caleb this weekend and I thought I'd click on one to hear his voice and listen to what he had on his mind that particular day. So I randomly clicked on one I had never heard before. What I heard almost stopped my heart. CALEB JOSHUA, I LOVE YOU! THANK YOU FOR THAT WONDERFUL MESSAGE! I renamed it, and tucked it away for safer keeping. You know, looking back over Caleb's last months, there were so many signs that he "knew" he was going somewhere. Things he said, the blue bag in the last days, etc. I believe that our Lord laid on Caleb's heart some real wisdom, as best a 4 year old can understand it, and asked him to do some things as signs for us that all will be OK. This, I think, is one of those things. I think God knew we would miss Caleb, and we would be so comforted by this wonderful message someday. Today was the day.

So I thought I'd share it. So go ahead, click it here, and listen. It's short and simple, but powerful. I think it was meant for all of us, not just me ...let me know if it doesn't work. You are welcomed to keep a copy, just right click the link and select "Save Link As". You can save a copy to your own computer.

Lastly, PICTURES!!! Caleb has really been laying on my heart the need to get his funeral pictures out. SO ... please go check out the Photo Gallery. I think you will enjoy the photographs of the Vigil, his funeral liturgy, and the Interment. God bless my wonderful friend, David Socolofsky, whose love and talent has left us these wonderful photos.

We were touched by the guest book messages again this week - Colleen, Lisa, ZZ - thank you so much for your kind words, and the prayers that you continue to send us. God keeps us going each day - answering prayers just like those. Thank you.

Remember last weekend, how Caleb's fisherman bracelet was laid between the sheet and the mattress pad by Angel hands? I still can't get over that discovery. Lord knows how many times the bed has been changed - truly a sign from God. And here's another interesting one.

Yesterday, I was just clicking through the pictures of Caleb on the web site and I was focusing on July's photos. His last month. And suddenly I noticed it -- on his wrist -- his fisherman bracelet. You know the significance of it? I have one, too. It was given me on my ACTS retreat, and it signifies the "Fishers of Men" passage from the Gospel interaction between Jesus and Peter. Caleb always loved mine, so, I made him one too. He wore it now and again, mostly because I did I think (I never take mine off hardly). Look at all the photos on the site, but rarely do you see it on Caleb. Except in July !!! The bracelet shows up on his wrist regularly beginning in July (he had it for ~ 18 months before that). Go ahead, look at the pictures!! He asked for it at some point - so we put it on him - and he just wanted to wear it from then on. I clicked through the much larger volume of photos on the computer from July '07 and the same is true there. It's everywhere.

"SO?" you're probably saying. Well, I believe that God was preparing Caleb for his journey. Caleb said far too many things in the months preceding his death, and especially in the weeks preceding it, for the conventional wisdom of a 4-year old. He was inspired. And in his final days, he made the preparations for leaving (the blue bag, and some specific statements to his family). I believe the fisherman bracelet was just yet another sign that Caleb's life was transitioning from the earthly to the spiritual. Clicking through the archive I have on the computer, it's clear even in his eyes. He was disengaging from the earthly realm, and becoming a member of the spiritual realm.

God went out of his way to give us so many signs that Caleb was ready for his journey, and that He was ready to receive him. And he gave us signs of where he was going, in case we doubted it. What an awesome gift. And then, he tied it all together again last weekend with the bracelet under the sheet. What an awesome God! And I know that Caleb is "loving all over him," just like he promised he would.

Yesterday morning, I read the two new entries in Caleb's guest book. Thanks, Eileen and Tracey - your words were uplifting. Thanks, also, to the many of you who've posted in the guest book immediately after his passing, and since. As I mentioned, we decided to sponsor it online for a year so anyone who felt called, whenever, could leave a thought. Next August, we plan to purchase a bound keepsake book of the postings from Legacy that we'll hold on to forever. As a reminder, the link to the guest book is http://www.legacy.com/Link.asp?I=GB000092029748 if you happen to ever feel called.

Annette was away at a Church retreat this weekend, and I guess the house was feeling a bit quiet. So, probably a bit selfish of me, I asked God and Caleb to just give me a sign to remind me that Caleb was near. I hadn't seen any Caleb signs in a while. I just needed something to give my soul that boost it gets from Caleb coming near.

So yesterday, I put on a pair of jeans shorts that I've wear often. My typical evening-and-weekend attire. So, I've filled pockets / emptied pockets / etc on those shorts many times over the last few weeks. Plus they've been in the wash at least weekly. Well, yesterday, as I put my hand in to grab my keys, I felt something in the bottom of the pocket. I pulled it out ... It was a miraculous medal! Caleb just loved the miraculous medal, as he did anything with an image of the Blessed Mother on it. Gave my heart a jump. And I thanked God for the sign, and thought that was the answer to my prayer. But that wasn't all ...

And then, this morning, I was stripping the sheets from the bed in the master bedroom. Now, usually, Annette launders the linens, but with her being away this weekend, I was doing the laundry. As I went to pull the fitted sheet off the bed, I was watching for, and ready to see, some sort of discoloration of the mattress pad from where Caleb had a few wetting accidents at night in his last few days (of course, knowing Annette, she's probably already replaced it if the washer didn't get it all clean, but I didn't know for sure -- like I said, she does that stuff not me usually!). I pulled back the sheet ...

Not only was there a pristine white mattress pad underneath, but Caleb's fisherman bracelet was laying in the spot I expected to see a stain in! This one gave my heart a double jump. It was physically between the mattress pad and the fitted sheet! Praise God! The meaning was immediately clear to me. "You, Dad, were looking for a sign of my illness. I am healed! I choose to show you a sign of my life!"

Amen, indeed, son! You are more alive and healed then we could ever hope to be down here. And by the grace of God, someday, we shall see for ourselves. Until then, thanks for dropping in. And thank you, Lord, for answering yet another prayer ........... From Caleb's services, "Who am I that You are mindful of me? That You hear me, when I call?" But You always do.

Well, only a week since the last update -- so that's much better, no? :-) Today brings another milestone for us - the "fall cleaning" of the house, and the movement of many of Caleb's toys which remained in the living room (his main daily play space) up to his room. We miss you, son, but we know that you are flying around the heavens under the wings of God. How could we be mad at you for that? That makes me think of something - at times when Caleb would misbehave, and we'd have to correct him - when finished, I'd tell him, "Caleb, Daddys always love their little boys." He'd sniffle, look up at me, and say meekly, "do they stop loving them when they're mean?" And it would melt you heart. I'd just say, "no, they love them even when they're mean." Wow, I miss that.

It was nice to see the post on Caleb's guest book - thanks, Christy, for sharing with us. That was awesome.

I did have an experience that I thought I might share, that might mean as much to you as it did to me. But it means sharing something I really haven't yet - so be it I guess. Annette has had meetings at Church on Wednesdays that have kept her out a bit late, and so, I have taken 30 minutes or so on the way home those evenings to stop at Taco Cabana and enjoy a "dinner with Caleb." It has given me a lot of peace, because it brings back a happy memory for me when I sit and eat our "usual." It doesn't make me sad, it actually brings peace because I believe I do feel Caleb with me. I do confess, I have felt a bit weird about it, as if I'm being silly going to Taco Cabana for that reason. But this week, while I was eating, I saw a man and his son eating dinner and suddenly, I flashed back to something that happened earlier this year when Caleb and I were eating. I thought I had written of it, but I can't find it anywhere in the notes below. So, here goes again. I have to explain this before I can tell you what I realized ...

So one day, Caleb and I were eating our "usual" and just talking about stuff. A little boy, probably about 7, walked by our table. As he passed me and was next to Caleb, he stopped - literally - and turned around and looked straight at me. He gave me this kind, slow, loving smile, and then turned and continued on his way. It was one of the most peaceful and loving smiles I've seen. I was (maybe 5 seconds) temporarily immobilized, because it just seemed strange. Once I regained myself, I looked in the direction he went - but there wasn't anyone there. I turned around to see if he'd looped back to the soda fountain, but nobody was there. Thinking he'd maybe gone into the restroom, I waited a few minutes to see if he returned - but he never did. I then looked around the dining room, and nobody else with a child was there! It was strange. Later that day, it snapped to me that God had sent me an angel to tell me "it's OK, David - I'm not far away." As I said, the smile was so peaceful. So, I tucked that away in my heart, and thought I'd understood it simply as God drawing near.

I'm noticing this man and his son eating, feeling a bit strange about wanting to encounter Caleb at Taco Cabana, and my mind flashes back to the event I described. And then, the fuller meaning of the event came into my mind ... I think that God dropped an angel into Taco Cabana that day, months ago, to show me that angels could, in fact, show up at Taco Cabana! So, I no longer think it silly to believe that the warm feeling I get when eat "the usual" at Taco Cabana is Caleb joining me for a bit. I think he does! Thank you, Lord, for continuing to share my son with me.

OK, don't anybody hurt themselves falling out of the chair! Yes, it's really a NEW posting. And yes, it has really been a month since I wrote anything. I could blame it on the fact that I've been travelling for 3 of the last 5 weeks ... but the better (i.e., more correct) answer would probably be that I haven't felt called to. And, I'm not sure that I really do now -- but, enough people have now said something to me that I guess I should probably put something down! Believe you me, I have felt guilty about not writing anything. But again, I just haven't felt called to. Maybe those of you who've said something are the messengers from God -- so, I'll give it a good try and sit down for a bit and share some thoughts.

This week brought another major event in life ... Dorothy died. Those of you who knew Caleb well would immediately recognize that Dorothy was Caleb's pet fish. It really did hit me a bit hard because it was the last "living" reminder of Caleb and he was so proud of her. I'll admit I'm very sad about it. She will be laid to rest with her biggest admirer, Caleb Joshua, just as soon as I can get her there.

We haven't picked out a memorial yet (although, we are actually working on it); we haven't gotten "thank yous" done yet; we haven't gotten a video done yet; etc. It'll happen someday. We're actually gaining some momentum to get going on these things; there are TWO HIGH PRIORITY items - first, funeral pictures on the web site; second, we really want to go visit Caleb's brothers and sisters at LCVFD Station 1. We have missed them.

We do go and visit Caleb every week we can -- although the last few weeks of travel have disrupted that -- and we like to bring bagels down and eat Breakfast with him. We take note of, and feel much warmth and joy, when we see that Caleb's friends have been there to come spend some time with him and left a little something. It does comfort us to know how much Caleb was loved.

Tonight Annette was watching Caleb videos. The time period was 2006 Christmas - Caleb's last - when he was recovered from the initial hit of the tumor, and the radiation had done some good, but before the thing came back so vengefully. I had forgotten how "alive" he was, how clearly he spoke, how much he laughed, how easy he was to entertain, etc etc -- a lot of things. I had grown more used to the Caleb since 3/31/07 when he started the downhill slide. How easily we get used to things.

Many of you have asked, so an update on DJ -- he is undergoing treatment for the tumor, and his outlook is very bright. Praise God.

And lastly, you may remember that at Caleb's passing, the obituary in the Houston Chronicle had a "Guest Book" attached to it that you could leave messages in. Well, I was going to get it printed & bound as a keepsake (a service they offer) but I decided to sponsor it for a year to keep it online and active. You can still post to it. I thought that perhaps if anyone felt called to share something during the next year, you could do so. What has been written so far has been of such comfort to us. Here's the link: http://www.legacy.com/Link.asp?I=GB000092029748

And next to last ... our e-mails have changed. Comcast bought Time Warner so we lost the "@houston.rr.com" addresses. We have just decided to use the addresses associated with our web site, ingram-family.net. SO ... we are now ...

I just couldn't bring myself to not move Caleb's e-mail address. So, I did! We have received some reports of Annette's address bouncing back ... but then plenty arrives with no problem - we're not sure what's going on. However, if you do e-mail any of us and receive an error, please keep the e-mail because I need the error code to figure it out. Alternatively, you can use ajingram@comcast.net (Annette) or dad.2.caleb@comcast.net (me). But please, if at all possible, use the ingram-family.net addresses since they'll theoretically never change no matter who is our internet provider or where we live. IF you do happen to e-mail us @houston.rr.com, don't worry, it forwards to us automatically through end-of-year.

Wow, that was pretty discombobulated - but I'll try to write more often and I'll get better at it again I hope. Hope you are all doing REALLY WELL. We truly miss seeing everyone. Good night.

And it's now been 6 weeks since Caleb went home to eternal life. There is still this great big hole in our life where Caleb used to be, but I have to tell you, God and Caleb have been busy letting us know that he's still with us and looking out for us. I've spoken of some ways we've experienced Caleb; but I just have to share this update with you. One, because you'll see just how much Caleb is alive, and second, because prayers are really needed.

Our wonderful (former) neighbors, the Doga's, moved away to Louisiana last year. They have a little boy, DJ, who is a year younger than Caleb. If you knew anything about Caleb, you knew he loved babies and taking care of them. Since he was a year ahead of DJ, he always took care of him. Now, he was a bit jealous that DJ loved Annette :-) but he looked out for him. We have missed them since they moved. Anyway - DJ recently has been displaying some concerning symptoms. He experienced some facial paralysis, and a very slight (i.e., imperceptible!) eye alignment issue. The doctors in Louisiana told his parents he had Bell's Palsy and they gave him some steroids. Symptoms improved. However, DJ's Mom told us that Caleb came to her clearly (!) and told her that DJ had a tumor. So, she pressed the doctors for an MRI. Apparently, it was quite a struggle to get them to do the MRI.

Unfortunately, DJ has a tumor. However, his is very different then Caleb's. It's not in the ever-critical pons (brainstem) where it can't be removed. However, it's behind his eye, and almost up against his brain. But it hasn't gotten there yet! DJ's parents brought him to Texas Children's, and Caleb's doctors are evaluating him. They plan to remove the tumor next week (or soon), if all continues to go well with these tests. The doctors were amazed that the tumor was found this early. We're not! DJ's Mom has told us that if it were not for her vision of Caleb, she would not have pressed for the MRI. Because the tumor was found early, this could turn out to be just a surgical matter. Let's all pray for that! Please, send up prayers for Caleb's friend DJ that the neurosurgeons will remove this tumor and that will be the end of that - forever! (and by the way, no, the coincidence of two boys, neighbors and playmates, having brain tumors - albeit different kinds - has not escaped us ......)

I'm proud of you, son. Still looking after DJ. I know that you will not stop. What parents would not be so proud as to have such a beautiful angel? We miss you here with us, son, but we know you are about important work. We are so grateful to God, that he continues to allow us to see your presence. How awesome.

Next week, we have 1 or 2 meetings with folks on Caleb's monument (stone). The project is picking up speed.

I'm off to Virginia for most of the week -- Annette is here, and Pam is coming -- so no updates until next weekend probably. God bless you all ... and goodnight.

Well, we had a REALLY NICE weekend in San Antonio. It was nice by any measure, but it qualifies for REALLY nice because Caleb once again let us know he was there! This is neat, read on ... so, we left Houston on Saturday morning - got a late start - and I'm not much of one for the interstates (except going 10 hours to Lubbock!). I like to meander through the countryside, and if it takes me 10% longer, so what - it's a nice ride. So, we were heading down 90-ALT out of Houston and on the other side of Sugarland we met up with a long UP train heading westbound. Due to the way the traffic lights are synched up, we wound up following this train for a long ways. When we entered the Richmond-Rosenberg town cluster, we lost the train -- we go into town, the train goes north of town. I was musing to myself how much Caleb would have LOVED this ride. The arms going down, the bells, all following us and the train for so far as we were side by side for miles and miles. That never happened to us before! What a coincidence, I thought. Well, anyhow, we got stopped a bunch in the town (lights) and finally emerged on the other side of Rosenberg where 90-ALT again runs right up to and parallels the tracks. As we came around the curve, and came parallel with the tracks, out of the trees comes our old friend the UP train, again right even with us! At that point, we were clear of the towns so I laid into the accelerator and we lost the train. But I thought, how neat! But how weird! What are the odds? Caleb would have loved that.

It wasn't until later in the day, as I was telling the story, that it hit me ... either Caleb was on the train :-) or the Lord was sending us a sign that Caleb was with us this Labor day! Either way, it was a nice way to begin the weekend.

So the weather in south-central Texas wasn't that great over the weekend ... clouds, and some rain. But Saturday was nice enough we managed a good day in the pool. Some of Jorge & Yvonne's friends came over, and we had a nice time visiting and (of course) eating. Sunday and Monday was a mixed-bag weather wise, but we relaxed. It was good to see our family - we have missed them.

I've begun working on the page for Caleb's services, incorporating the photos which our good friend David took for us. Should be up in a day or two.

It's hard to believe that on Monday, it will be a month since Caleb passed away. I cannot describe how much we miss him. But then, I know that all of you do, too. In my own case, it's a very odd dichotomy because on the one hand, I am so happy for Caleb!!! He's in Heaven, enjoying eternal paradise with God. But on the other hand, it hurts that we don't have him here with us. There is so much we wanted to do with him. And I know he doesn't want for a thing -- but I guess it comes back down to the simple parental desire to be able to see your kids enjoy things that you know they would. I so much wanted to enjoy this labor day swimming with him - but the memory of last year's labor day, in Aunt Yvonne & Uncle Jorge's pool, will just have to live on in our memory. Actually, in hindsight, that was one of the first real serious signs that we had a problem - when he jumped into the pool on top of Julianna (and we punished him), and when he jumped into the pool on top of me (and loosened half his teeth in a bloody mess, sinking his teeth into my scalp in the process!). I honestly don't think he could help it, in retrospect. Last Labor Day, about 365 days ago now, we had no clue of what the year ahead would hold.

That reminds me that September 21 will mark a year since his diagnosis that dark night in the ER. What a year this has been.

So, let me tell you something that brought a huge smile to our faces yesterday. For those who were able to attend Caleb's services -- you may have noticed someone sneaking around taking pictures. Maybe not, too, because he did a great job of being discrete! He wasn't CIA (well, that I know of , anyway) Our good friend David Socolofsky, who has a photography business, ministered to us in an awesome way by making a very nice record of our goodbye for Caleb. Yesterday, delivered to me, was a WONDERFUL memorial book full of images of Caleb's send off. It is so beautiful. Annette and I spent time with it yesterday - she talks more than me :-) (can you believe that???) and she tearfully remarked no less than 30 times how "wonderful" it is. And, he gave me a CD full of beautiful images. I will put together a web page of some of these memories from Caleb's send-off for those of you who couldn't join us (and those who could). Yet another example of angels in our life :-)

So, we plan to spend this Labor Day as we did the last one - with our awesome family in San Antonio. Caleb will be badly missed. But we sense him, now and again, and I know he'll be sitting on the edge of a cloud looking down, giggling himself silly as Luigi falls into the pool (the dog). Make it a non-rain, non-thundering cloud please, son - and enjoy your first Labor Day with the Lord. No falling into the pool off-balance this year, because praise God, you are healed. We love you.

We picked up some bagels from Einstein's again this morning, and went down to Mt Olivet to visit our angel's place of rest. Since we were taking Christopher to school last weekend, it's the first time I've been there in 2 weeks. As always, it was a beautiful spot and the morning sun bathed the area nicely. The "Love Bugs" were so thick you almost needed aviator goggles -- it's that time of year in South Texas. The "Flower Mound" is gone now, the dirt has settled, and the cemetery folks obviously have cleaned up around there a bit. The only evidence that anything is different about that spot of ground is that there's a rectangle with no grass on it. Yet another reminder that we need to begin thinking about Caleb's monument. SO, we are.

We spent some time this morning looking at the various styles of monument in the cemetery, and took pictures of some things we liked. We also looked online at some granite crafters, and reviewed some info the folks at Mt Olivet gave us. It will take a while. But we now have at least some ideas.

But we are missing our cowboy. It was 3 weeks on Friday since he went home to the Lord, and we miss him terribly. At times, we feel his presence - as if he draws near. But interestingly, Mt Olivet - in all its beauty - is not one of those places. I think we will always enjoy going there to visit Caleb's grave, to spend time in the peace and stillness of his gravesite, and to reflect and pray. But it's clear - he's not there. I am drawn back to the wonderful scripture - "Why do you seek the living one among the dead? He is not here, but he has been raised." (Lk 24:5-6) I am almost expecting a gardener to approach me with the same words one day. I can also visualize Caleb -- he'd be behind me, with his hands grabbing on to mine pulling me away -- saying, "Come on Daddy, I'm bored, let's go DO something !!!" I know my son, and I don't think he's lounging under the tall pines and warm sunshine of Mt Olivet -- he's zipping around the Heavens! That was always Caleb. You enjoy it, son.

But, amidst the pain of our separation from Caleb, there remains the fact that God raises us from bed each morning and gives us the strength to get through the day. He has not fallen short on love and support of us during this tough time. He gives us the internal desire to go on, and He brings wonderful people to our lives each day to encourage us. And, we hold on to His promise that one day, we will see our son again.

Our week has been good so far - but then, we have been busy as bees. We sure seem to have a lot to do these days - I wonder how we found the time to sit on the couch for hours and hours with Caleb just a few short weeks ago? Perhaps we're working off the "backlog" that accumulated during his illness (seen our house ??); or, perhaps, we're finding things to do so we can stay busy. Whatever it is, there is no lack of things. It does help keep our mind engaged.

We have continued to be blessed by God through things that people tell us. We have had at least two more people come to us in recent days and tell us what an impact Caleb's funeral had on their life - and how they have been called to return to the Church. Praise God! He sure has a funny way of doing things like that. After my own mother died (long time ago, 21 years ago) - I felt called to return to the Church which I myself had been away from. That was where God planted the seed in my mind again, calling me back. Now it seems he is doing that for others, through Caleb's death. It reminds me of two lines from one of our worship songs - "Do not refuse the death which brings you life," and "for as the grain of the earth must die for rebirth ...". I know those lines refer to our own death and resurrection, however, I find it neat that God can throw that blanket wider and bring others along as well for a spiritual rebirth here on earth. As our pastor told me when Mom died, "perhaps her death was your rebirth ..." Hmmm, same thing 21 years later. God is definitely up to something. And we're still finding out about it.

Which brings me to another point. Annette has been journaling during Caleb's illness, and she has asked that if anyone has anything you'd like to share about how Caleb's life, illness, or death affected you, to e-mail her. She would be honored to know. I think it would help her with her thoughts as she journals.

Thanks again for your tender care of us. Who could ask for better friends? Praise God, indeed.

Sorry for our delay in updates. We traveled to Lubbock, TX, on Saturday morning to bring Christopher to school at Texas Tech. Go Red Raiders! He continues the Red Raider tradition started by his sister, Natashia. I have no doubt it'd have been continued by Caleb, as he truly loved Lubbock, and Texas Tech. Of course, his first allegiance was to Virginia Tech :-) but he adopted Texas Tech so well. He did REALLY love Lubbock, though. So many things happened there - he stopped drinking from a bottle and moved to a glass (when he bit the nipple off the bottle - great transition point!); he erased all the inboxes on Dad's two-way pager; he learned about elevator buttons; he went trick-or-treating for the first time; he ran through a corn maze for the first time; he rode in a barrel pulled by a tractor; I could go on forever. And he remembered all those things and spoke of them often. So, this trip was a bit emotionally tough for us we kept looking in the back seat of the car - but Caleb was not there.

And we'd be lying if we didn't admit, as we drove away, the unescapable emotion both Annette & I had simultaneously - that another son has moved on. Of course, this is very different - but still, a separation. Christopher will do awesome. And we'll go visit him. And he has a great roomate, and is very excited. All good ingredients for a successful recipe.

Caleb did peek in on us a few times over the weekend - he never could stay far away when something was to be done. As we were driving down US-287 through Waxahachie, Annette and I were reminiscing about Caleb's services and how beautiful they were. Annette had asked for me to put some music on, so I did - and one of the hits on the "scan" button produced a Christian radio station. And the next set they played contained two of the songs from Caleb's vigil and mass. What are the odds? Thanks, son, we needed the pick-me-up and reminder that you're around.

We are missing Caleb, badly. But something a friend wrote to us recently has rang out again, and again, in my mind - "God is too wise to have ever made a mistake." Amen, He is. I just need to keep reminding myself of that. Heavens knows that He's showed us, over and over, all the good things that He accomplished through Caleb. And, that helps a LOT. Really it does. How blessed are we. But still, we miss Caleb.

Tomorrow, Annette is going to go visit him. We're also going to begin the process of picking out a suitable monument for his grave. Something that is truly Caleb. We'll see.

Well, we're hanging in there. We're still missing Caleb very much, and the complete understanding that he's not coming back sinks in more with each passing day. We do hurt inside -- not from any misgivings about where Caleb is, nor from questioning God's divine plan - but just from the plain old simple human emotion of missing our son. I keep expecting him to come into the den while I'm on the computer and want to type. But I know he won't. But let me tell you, if God has a computer, Caleb is asking to type on it! Let's just hope he doesn't hit the wrong button on THAT computer. So if you read about Mt Vesuvius coming to life, you'll know Caleb is messing around on the wrong computer up there :-) I love you, son.

However, this week's mail (both electronic, and postal) brought wonderful letters from people who have been affected by Caleb's life. We received two wonderful letters from people - one of whom we don't even know - about how Caleb affected their life. Praise God. We have been so blessed by God allowing us to see just some of the awesome things He's done thru Caleb - and it does help to make it a bit less painful. I think God knows when we need a bit of an emotional boost - so He has just the right person drop us a note and share something with us. It does help.

We are taking Christopher to college this weekend, so that will help keep us busy. He is very excited. I know Caleb is smiling that big brother gets to go off to college.

Well, we made it through our first weekend without Caleb and the family. We still have enough chores around here to do that we're staying busy, so Saturday morning didn't go by slowly. There was no "Special Saturday Lunch" with Caleb on Saturday at Taco Cabana, but Annette joined me for our new "Special Saturday Lunch" -- Mom and Dad -- at Schlotzskys. I know Caleb would be happy about that. Perhaps we can make this a new tradition, to honor Caleb. It'll be a little while before I think I can go do it at Taco Cabana, though. But I know that day will come as the healing goes on.

This morning, we bought bagels at Einstein's (Caleb's favorite) and took them down to Mt Olivet. We spread out a blanket and just had breakfast near Caleb. He so loved bagels - especially Einstein's - we would get them and go to the park sometimes. I know Caleb's soul has long gone to heaven, and he's not hanging around his earthly place of rest - but it gave Annette and me some peace to just be near his physical body. I don't know if that makes sense or not, but it helped. If anyone has gone by to see Caleb, of course, it's just a fresh grave at this point - no marker. Annette and I will probably begin to design the perfect monument for Caleb next week sometime, after we get Christopher back to school.

Tomorrow, I go back to work. Natashia, our new 2nd grade teacher, will recruit Annette to help a few days in her classroom this week - so that will keep us all busy for the first part of the week, anyway.

Thanks to everyone calling us, and checking in on us. Thanks be to God for all of you.

We really miss Caleb. Just had to say it. We know where he is, and we thank and praise God for His faithfulness, and His mercy. And, honestly, we thank and praise Him for the wonderful care He is taking of us - often through you - but we still miss Caleb. We are watching lots of Caleb videos, looking at pictures, and enjoying good memories of him. The reality is beginning to sink in. Today, everyone leaves - so tonight, it will just be "us" here.

On Wednesday afternoon, we went and visited Caleb at Mt Olivet. It was strangely peaceful, not the more emotional event I thought it might be. I will admit that the the "flower mound" brought home more of the reality of Caleb's passing, but in a sense, seeing the grave closed took us another step in our journey towards closure. It will be OK, I know, just a matter of how long. Please keep praying for us, for wisdom & understanding. Than